asunder

It's so quiet now.

How do you know if you've just made the worst or the best decision for your life? Is there any way to know but to give it time, time that may make it impossible to go back?
Everyone says to listen to your heart, but what if your heart is an ambivalent asshole?

Hey guys! I haven't posted here in a while. I've been making a lot of new art which I'm adding to my gallery, and a lot of other projects. I now have a YouTube channel where I'm posting time lapses of my art process/progress. I'll come up with some more video ideas for you guys in the near future, too. I started a Patreon account, where you can subscribe monthly starting at only $1 to help me make more videos/tutorials/art and all that jazz! You'll get entered into monthly giveaways and will have access to exclusive content if you become a Patron. I also made a new website to better showcase my Art, and you can browse what is available for sale, as well as see past works. I have a bio up and event info for the shows and conventions I will be vending as well.
I got in new art supplies, including a much coveted Winsor and Newton professional watercolor set, lots of nice watercolor paper and drawing papers, canvases, panels, ink supplies, etc. I have a lot of events planned that I'm preparing for! My jewelry is taking a slight backseat for a bit while I catch up on art, but I'm selling more wholesale and now you can find my goods at Hail, an oddities shop in Nashville Tennessee, and Miette in New Orleans!
ALSO REALLY EXCITING I got invited to be a part of an exhibition at a new Alternative Gallery in Ravenswood for a show in August. I haven't had a gallery show in many years, and this will somehow only be my third??

I'm doing much better than I was when I last posted here, I was in a pretty bad place. I get really really depressed in the late winter and early spring months... every fricking year.... but things are much more positive now. I've got my confidence back even though I'm still broke, haha. But things will get better, I know they will!
Here are the links to my new projects:
My website: cristinabeller.com

Patreon: patreon.com/cristinabeller
YouTube: youtube.com/c/cristinabeller

Well this is the lowest I've felt in a long time. Sales have been almost non-existant for my art and jewelry online January-March, and there haven't been many event opportunities in the winter here, and the events I should have already applied for I can't because I don't have the fucking money, and I'm going to miss out on one of my biggest shows I do every year because of it, as well as a handful of others. I don't know wtf I'm doing anymore. I've been incredibly depressed and have had a hard time trying to keep up with and remedy the loss. I had a breakdown this month, dusted off the resume and started applying for jobs, jobs which are entry level, minimum wage, and soul crushing, but still require an hour+ to apply, with invasive psych tests and questionnaire's, and still prefer or require a college degree... I feel like I'm not qualified for anything at all... I'm hoping my attitude as well as my circumstance changes soon.. I'd love to be a confident and happy person, but I never have been and at this point it's looking pretty bleak. I keep trying and I'll make progress, only to fall back again and wonder why I ever believed in myself in the first place... This mindset sucks and I don't know how to make it better.
I want to be self-sufficient, I want to be able to improve my life and have the financial means to do so. I'm sick of feeling fucking stuck where I am. I'm sick of not caring enough to do something about it, of not knowing where to start. Talent doesn't mean shit when you suck at life.

I'm not giving up on my business by any means, I'm just hoping I can find a supplemental income, or improve my sales fucking fast, as I don't think I can survive another 2 months the way things are going... I'm sure things will get better, it just feels impossible at times.. just venting.. at least spring is coming. I've lived in a dark and dreary basement apartment for the last 8 years.. the winter months are terrible. sigh. One day I'll be a competent adult, one day.

Follow me! @AsunderArt